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January 2001 |
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Wednesday, January 31, 2001 |
| Have you ever played a game of chess and
reached for something on the table and clipped the corner of the board with your hand and
all the pieces jump and jumble? That's what the gaming industry is like every 6 months or
so. I am going to write a book someday about the stuff that happens, because it is a truly
entertaining story ;)
Let's have some fun! I recently had a power sushi dinner
with some of the fat cats in the industry. Can you name all four, …no wait,
…there's five, …almost didn't see that one down there, …gaming celebrities
in this picture? The picture was sent in by someone in the industry, obviously, who
prefers to remain nameless, BTW. Nice shot, man! |
Monday, January 29, 2001 |
| Anyone watch the start up of the Super Bowl
game last night? I can't remember which Raven said it, but as he neared the end of the
intro line, CBS (apparently with no delay set) broadcasted him saying "Mother
fucker!". Silly, I know, that this should be so funny to us Americans, but it is a
big deal over here. If they could have only mistakenly shown a nipple, …wow, what a
night THAT would have been for US. Shit! I rarely
embarrass myself, …I mean, I am a lord and all, …so let's just say that I rarely
admit to mistakes in public. Yes, let's say that, …anyways, …never trust 40-year
old memories that seem like only a year ago! I dug up this little piece of Historia
Levelordis and was abruptly corrected, …her name was Mary Ellen! I haven't seen this
memeograph since I was a child (I have a lot of cool nostalgic things since Dad died) and
have always remembered her as Colleen (O'Conner, …Colleen, …I can see that
happening in my brain). Must have been the side effect of a neural collision back in the
1970s or something.
 
…and let's take a moment to go to the full-sized
version to see page #2. "Outstanding Student"? …and you all thought I was
born with this dain bramage! Also notice with whom I am singing, …and the "A
Little Seed" song at that? It was love, and I just let her go! Finally, remember I
mentioned changing times yesterday? Look at the teachers' name. They even have their
husband's first names. Incredible! |
Sunday, January 28, 2001 |
| I knew women were going to be a lot of fun and a lot of
trouble, …even back in nursery school! This is a picture of me and Colleen at our
Whitney Nursery School graduation in New Haven. I believe the school is still running, at
least it was when I visited it in 1986. |
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I remember Colleen like it was only last
year. In particular, I remember she would chase me around the jungle gym trying to hug me.
Although she wanted to kiss me all the time, which I thought was weird and kind of icky, I
liked her and we had a lot of fun. Miss Vicky, the teacher, is about to turn around and
thump me in the head for making the disturbance. Colleen was the instigator, but back
then, girls were less often blamed for trouble.
Jees, times have changed! I'm remembering now how most of
my friends often got beat with hands and belts as punishment with their parents. This
nursery school would do things like pull a child's pants down in front of everyone and
wash out kids' mouths with soap. I remember one afternoon, a kid named Larry had both done
to him. I remember him standing in the bathroom with the door open so everyone could see
him with his pants at his ankles and a bar of soap stuck in his mouth. Times have changed! |
Saturday, January 27, 2001 |
| A small story about how two wrongs can
indeed make a right, or at least keep you away from being a Boatswain's Mate! Dick, my
friend in the Navy, did spend a little time in the brig, but it could have been much
worse, …he could have lost his anti-submarine rating, which requires a secret
clearance status, and gotten sent back to the U.S.S. Detroit for the last three years of
his enlistment. He had already spent a year on the Dirty D, and he knew he did not want to
make any Med Cruises. This all happened in Norfolk
while Dick was in ASW (anti-submarine warfare) school learning to listen for and classify
those evil, filthy, dirty Soviet submarines that threatened our pure and beloved American
coasts and NATO territories. (just kidding, moi comrades, …Y lyublyu Roosskih! ;)
Anyhow, he and two shipmates got nabbed in the parking
lot of the NAS base toking on a bowl. It could have been much, much worse, though, as Dick
had an ounce and a half in his VW bug. If that had been found, it would have meant IBM for
sure, …instant boatswain's mate!
The MPs missed the big bust because Dick had quickly
stashed the bag in the bottom of a kitchen-sized trash bag that was in his car. The bag
was half-filled with the remnants of various off-base lunches and whatnot, but more
importantly, it also had 2 month's worth of temporary access passes for his car to get on
the base. You are supposed to return these each day, but Dick has always been incredibly
lazy.
Dick stood handcuffed and spread-eagled against his car
while the MPs began the search. One of the MPs grabbed the trash bag and Dick began to
really bum out knowing it was only moments before the MP hit the big bust. The MP soon
made that "Ah ha! Look what we have here!" cliche' and Dick's heart went thump.
The MP pulled his hand out of the trash bag with only a fistful of the car passes!
The MP was so stoked about finding these passes,
apparently a really big deal in his book, that he stopped searching the trash bag. So
there Dick was, nabbed with a bowl-full and a few dozen passes. This earned him and his
mates a night in the brig and a call to the CO's office the next morning.
Being in jail, even for one night, is one of those things
that can't be discribed. Like gun shots on television are nothing like the real thing,
being behind a set of bars has this incredibly unnerving effect, …kind of like a dull
but intense claustrophobia, …at least that's what Dick tells me.
The next morning, in the CO's office, Dick figured he was
toast. Fortunately, though, at this time the rating was under-powered and they needed
trained squids badly. The Captain said that the small amount of herb meant that the entire
incident was at his discretion. He let Dick off!
So you see, if Dick had returned those parking passes
like he was supposed to, he would have been in much deeper shit. Laziness and blatant
disregard for the authority, once again, payed off!
This all comes around again as is best displayed in this
picture…
…Dick spent a year on Adak Island on the Aleutians
for his first ASW tour. He then returned to Norfolk. Mind you, while on Adak, he tripped
on acid three times, smoked some PCP and had an out-of-body experience, smoked hash,
snorted meth, …and, of course, smoked a lot of weed.
On his return tour to Norfolk, at the ASW Command Center,
he was nominated as the Command Drug and Alcohol Rep. This was an extra duty, given to
Dick, because he was by all other means a terrific squid, 4.0 all the way. This extra duty
entailed him to counsel anyone that felt they were abusing drugs. Any sailor could come to
Dick, say anything s/he wanted about doing drugs, and even turn over any drugs or
paraphernalia to me without getting in trouble. They would only have to seek further
counseling. A kind of weird, ironic military intelligence kind of thing, yes? |
Friday, January 26, 2001 |
| Look! That really is a picture of John
putting his head under Harry's truck! No PhotoShop magic ;) He had come by, bless his
heart, the congratulate us for our new company. He brought a bottle of Dom Perignon to
introduce us to the expensive tastes of the gaming community.
I had a new picture and Dick the Sailor Man Story lined
up, but our scanner is down. In the meantime, let's try this… …I can't remember
if we did this before, but even if we did, I don't believe anyone ever guessed correctly.
A while back I did a little story about SiN's Elexis and her subduction of a sailor. It
was for the late, great OGR people. I added this picture of Elexis and Seaman Dick. Here's
the question, …can anyone guess what it is in the background of the shot? It is an
unaltered medical picture I yanked of the web. It is a body part that many of us love and
hold dear. This one, maybe not, but usually, …anyhow, can you guess the portion of
human anatomy? |
Thursday, January 25, 2001 |
| This is only because he refuses to stop
sending me hate mail, …which I never read, BTW, John! Jealousy is a truly ugly thing,
but I'm willing to lower myself and fight back. Here we go, …remember those kids in
school that were so hard-up for attention and acceptance that they would do anything. For
a nickel, they would eat a worm, or spit in the air and catch the gob in their mouth on
the way down, or stick their head under a pick-up truck and let everyone jump up and down
on the back to see if the parking brake would give…
For historical reasons (I have A&E on the phone RIGHT
now), …that is the original Hipnotic Crew in front of the house in which we started
the company to be later known as Ritual.
Let's not digress, though, …here we see John, who is now so pathetically poor because
of all the Ferraris, leather goods, and hair treatment chemicals, …looking for
returnable beer bottles at our last party. I later gave him a quarter and told him to run
to the store for some gum, and we all then ditched him and went to a bar down the street. |
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Give it up, man, …I have the Ritual
Van, the Wallabees, and MUCH better hair! |
Wednesday, January 24, 2001 |
| Okay, here are some reasons I wanted to call
Lipstick-wearing Feltch Monkey Blesinkavich out to the school yard, …because we get
cool pictures like these for ammo from fellow dements out there. I apologize for not
remembering the artists' names. These were yanked from a forum in which the Cliffster and
I once did battle many spring times ago. I figured many had not seen these, so here you
go. Please, please send in more CliffyB Hate Mail and if you have any talent like that
exhibited here, send that in too! |
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Tuesday, January 23, 2001 |
| Did you ever notice how stupid and
pathetically childish morning radio hosts are? (To be read in a Seinfeldesque tone, as it
is the 10th year anniversary of the show's mid-season premiere back in 1991, …which,
of course, I heard on a morning radio show this morning, but that's besides the point,
…first, let me get out of these paranthesii). …okay, better. Where was I? Oh
yes, the one time in the day that I really need to hear good music to crank me up, and
they have this duet of ignoramuses, either two dull-witted twits, or one dull-witted twit
with a woman that seems to only be able to laugh in a voice that sounds like she's been
smoking since the womb, telling the most stupid jokes and most insipid stories. Who the
fuck are they catering to!?! …the sandwich,
BTW, the sandwich was $257.90 plus tip.
Now, anyone that knows me will know I am not making any
cultural or racial slurs here. I say that because anyone that does not know me may read a
bad slant into this. I have three real good friends that maintain the bar downstairs. They
teach me a little Mexican everyday and they always listen to this kooky Mexican radio
station. They laugh and laugh and sometimes I ask what the joke was. It is usually
something silly like "The cat, she chased the mouse! Ba Ha Ha Ha! The cat, the mouse,
she is chasing it!".
Then, on the other side of the fence, I was reminded of
the German culture while BaDmAn was here. We were going up the stairs, giggling and making
fun of this Mexican cat-and-mouse joke when BaDmAn said "In German, the joke would be
'The cat is eating the mouse! Ba Ha Ha Ha!'". Same cast, completely different script,
though.
| Related, here is a picture of our Multi-Cultured
Levelord in a T-shirt given to him by the same afore mentioned Teuton. It reads "I
like children, I just can't eat a whole one!". God bless the Mexicans and the
Germans! My moustache and beard are growing back,
BTW, after having been recently shaved off on Christmas Eve. I removed them for
ergonometric reasons, …they were getting in the way of all the food I was eating.
Cream cheese toppings, caviar, whipped cream, various sauces, …I just got tired of
wiping it off! …gained 10 pounds, too!
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Monday, January 22, 2001 |
"I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my
mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you
apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean
it." - Man With No Name, 1964
...okay, funny is funny, but targeting the Ritual Van is
just not cool! Senior AntiELVIS, we're watching you! I need that parking space because I
have to drive the Ritual Van, ...not because I have a swelled head and self-inflating ego!
Here we see the Ritual Van, along with the Ritual Van Parking Cone. It's dark, BTW,
because it's 5am and I'm just getting to the office after feeding the ewes and milking the
chickens.
Oh ya, ...it was $257.90, ...with the tip!
God bless America and its love for hand guns! It's only
because there are so many hand guns in America that I have so many hand guns. Last week,
about 10:30pm, I'm watching "Law and Order", ironically enough, when all of a
sudden I hear "Pop! Pop! Pop!", ...the undeniably crisp reporting from a hand
gun, ...soon to be followed by a pick-up truck racing down my street towards my house,
with three cop cars close behind. I live on a cul-de-sac, so I know this isn't going to
last long. The truck squeels to stop and two dudes jump out and run. The cops gave chase,
but I don't know if they caught them or not. Last night, I heard another "Pop! Pop!
Pop!" and sirens not too far away. I just feel better knowing I have protection at
arm's reach, ...no matter what room I'm in.
...and one last mentionable: http://www.gamespy.com/top10/january01/ctfmaps/index2.shtm.
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